Let's Make Happy Children - Part 2

So, you've finished the first part of this article series and completed the task I gave you. By now, you've probably discovered the single most important thing every child needs to be happy and grow into a happy, valuable adult.

But have you ever wondered why experts claim that by the age of five, our child's future is already set in stone? Is it really too late to make a change? Five years, and then nothing can be done? It sounds like an urban myth!

And yet, we know that school education can't change our children's fundamental nature. They may learn to behave differently, but their thoughts about themselves and the world, and how they see their place in life, are not something that school can alter.

The crucial things in life – happiness or misery, success or failure, wealth or poverty – don't depend on behaviour, but on what we believe about ourselves, the world, and our place in it.

As Henry Ford famously said (or at least, according to urban legend), "Whether You Believe You Can Do a Thing or Not, You Are Right". This phrase holds more truth than we care to admit.

Why?Everything is decided in our minds, not by what we know, but by what we believe. If we don't know something, we can find someone who does. That's what Ford did, and that's how he achieved greatness. But if we don't believe in something, then it doesn't exist for us. For instance, if we don't believe that we can be successful, clever, happy, or rich, then we won't be, because those things won't exist for us.

The things we truly, deeply believe in develop by the age of five. This is the key point I want to make you understand. You are 100% responsible for what kind of life your child will live. Don't worry, I'll give you some guidance on this in the third part of this series.

Now, let's take a peek behind the scenes, into our subconscious mind, before and after the age of five. You know that the human mind is symbolically divided into two main parts: the conscious and subconscious mind. We need both to function in the world.

However, the conscious mind only starts developing around the age of five. This part is responsible for logical thinking, problem-solving, and distinguishing ourselves from others. Another function of the adult mind is critical thinking – the ability to distinguish between real and unreal things. This part of the brain, the amygdala, is the last to develop, around the age of five.

In early childhood, our dominant mind is the subconscious mind, which means we accept everything we hear, see, and feel unconditionally. We don't have a critical thinking center yet, nor do we have prior experiences to compare new experiences to old ones. Everything is new, so everything is true, unconditionally.

That's why, if we hear things like "Stop fooling around!", "You're so clumsy!", "Why can't you behave intelligently?", "Look at how other children do it!", the message that "you're clumsy, not good enough, you can't do it" gets ingrained in our subconscious mind without any resistance.

Even a small child understands the meaning of what they're told. They understand, for example, that behind the phrase "Look what you've done again!" lies the message "you're clumsy". And without a critical mind, they take this as the ultimate truth about themselves, especially if they hear it from an important person – like a parent.

The more we hear a certain message, the stronger it gets ingrained in our subconscious mind. By the age of five, a solid, concrete system of beliefs develops in our mind about ourselves and the world. And from then on, any new information is compared to this system of beliefs. If it fits, it's true; if it doesn't fit, it's false.

The Goulash soup of Life

Imagine your child's mind as a big pot where the Goulash soup of Life is cooking! You add the ingredients: love, self-confidence, courage, self-assurance, openness, or negative things. The flavor of the soup will depend on what you add most. If it's something sweet, it'll be sweet; if it's something bitter, it'll be bitter.

Then, around the age of five, the conscious mind develops and like a lid goes top of the pot. And from then on, the soup cooks with the ingredients that have been added so far.

Here's the important question:

Can anything be done about picking the right ingredients or changing them later? Or is that it? Do we only get to say positive things to our child until they're five, and if we miss this opportunity, we've messed up their life forever?

Good news! There is a method that can lift the lid for a short time and add positive things to the soup. This method is what we teachparents, and you'll find out more about it in part three of this series.

Miklós GerelyOnline & International Languages:English, Hungarian

Trainer, Mentor, Trainer of Trainers.

Nicolas moved back to his native Hungary in 2018, after spending almost 20 years in New Zealand and Australia. During his time away he attained his Clinical Hypnotherapist Diploma from the “Academy of Hypnotic Science”. In 2013 he became a Goulding Method consultant and have been teaching the technique to parents in Hungary, Australia and other countries ever since. A trainer of the method since March 2017, In 2023, he received the Goulding Method Mentor and Trainer certification from Joane Goulding. Nicolas is located in Hungary and works online Internationally.